Woman, 65, States Desires of Nation

DATELINE Small Town, WI (SM) Reports claim that as recent as Christmas Eve, a 65-year old woman proclaimed that she misses Bill Clinton as President of the United States.

The woman, a widow living alone in rural Wisconsin who wishes to remain anonymous, first told her daughter about these feelings of longing during a newscast featuring a clip of President Bush.

“I miss Bill Clinton!” the woman shouted as Bush yammered away about staying the course in Iraq at a news conference. “So what if he liked the ladies? At least he was smart. I miss Bill Clinton.”

The following day (Christmas), during a car ride, the woman couldn’t stop thinking of Clinton. Mariah Carey’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” came on the radio and during the stirring saxophone solo, the woman shouted, “Bill Clinton!”, recalling his sax prowess revealed on the Arsenio Hall Show. “I miss Bill Clinton!” she exclaimed for the second day in a row.

Later Christmas Day, the robots that create playlists at the local radio station played “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” once again, producing the same outbursts from the woman as the last time.

When asked if she would settle for Bill Clinton’s wife, Hillary, the woman shrugged and sniffed at the thought. She gave no statement at the time.

By Jane Pauley Shore jps@notthenews.com

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